By Ellen Friedrichs
@ellenkatef
Earlier this year, the organization Common Sense Media released a report on children’s exposure to pornography. This revealed that close to 75% of teens had seen online porn by the time they turned 17, and many had watched it by the time they turned 12.
As a health educator, author of a book on creating sexually safer communities, and a mom of three kids, this didn’t surprise me. Nor did it cause me a lot of concern about the state of today’s teens, since interest in and curiosity about sex is a normal part of adolescence. But the report was a good reminder that we need to ensure young people have decent sex education to balance out what so many are seeing on screen. And what they are seeing is often whatever is free and pops up on the first page of search results. This is content that may normalize non-consensual violence, unrealistic bodies, or exaggerated sex acts, and which can rely on harmful sexual stereotypes, particularly in relation to race, gender, and sexual orientation.
And whether it is sought out on purpose (which was the case for 52% of the cisgender boys and 36% of cisgender girls in the Common Sense study), or encountered accidentally, many young people view porn as a teaching tool, and not as an adult fantasy. In fact, a 2021 study published in the journal, Archives of Sexual Behavior found that almost 10% of adolescents and a quarter of 18- to 24-year-olds surveyed listed porn as their “most helpful” source of information on how to have sex.
Over the years the issue has received its fair share of attention. There have been calls to improve Internet filters, or to crack down on the porn industry in the name of youth. Some have argued that we should treat porn like an addiction. At least 19 states have labeled porn a public health crisis.
The problem is, none of these approaches are actually going to help young people navigate the world we know they are living in. What can help them do that is getting clear guidance from their trusted adults.
My general rule is that if a child is old enough to be on a device alone, then parents and caregivers need to have a conversation about what kind of sites kids are and are not allowed to visit and what to do if that child encounters any images of naked people online. That’s a talk I’ve had with my own three kids, but studies have found that similar conversations aren’t happening in a lot of families. Or they are happening long after a child has seen porn for the first time.
Given this reality, it would be great if families knew that they could depend on schools to fill in the gaps. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. Many schools don’t teach anything related to sexuality. Others use ineffective and dangerous abstinence-only (sometimes rebranded sexual risk avoidance) programs, which teach that the only appropriate place to have sex is in a cross-gender marriage. If porn is addressed at all, the message is often based on shame and fear. Students may learn that an interest in porn is a moral problem or character flaw, and that watching porn even a handful of times can quickly turn into a full-blown addiction.
What we really need is to advocate for inclusive, comprehensive sex education which covers porn literacy under the umbrella of the seven national sex education K-12 standards. These include anatomy and physiology, puberty and adolescent development, identity, pregnancy and reproduction, sexually transmitted diseases and HIV, healthy relationships, and personal safety. In the context of a larger sex education program, porn literacy can help young people learn to think critically, deconstruct sexual media, challenge harmful views and behaviors, and identify risky situations.
Yet, despite the fact that decades of research have found that comprehensive sex education is a crucial tool that can help keep youth safe in a range of areas, the field is increasingly coming under attack. Opponents armed with fabricated claims about teachers who groom kids for sex or who indoctrinate youth into LGBT+ identities are stirring up panic and putting educators on the defense about teaching some pretty basic life skills.
Ultimately, most of us don’t want kids learning about sex from porn. As sex educator, Johnny Hunt writes in his book, Sex Ed for Grown-Ups: How to Talk to Children and Young People About Sex and Relationships,“I wouldn’t recommend viewing porn as sex education, any more than I would recommend watching The Fast and the Furious franchise as a reliable means of learning how to drive.” That’s a sentiment that I am sure a lot of adults can get behind, and it’s about time we stop hand wringing and instead start supporting the things we already know to be effective at keeping our kids safe now and helping them grow into healthy adults later.
Ellen Friedrichs is a contributing writer for Motherwell. She is a health educator and mom of three based in New York. Find her at sexEdvice.com.
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