Motherwell March 17, 2020 Culture

Parenting in the time of coronavirus

Hello from Motherwell! We hope this finds you safe and as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Four years ago we started Motherwell as an online space for parents to read and write personal essays, to collect advice and tips, and to gather for support and encouragement in their everyday family lives. Now is a time when we need this kind of platform more than ever. Starting today, our content will be largely coronavirus/COVID-19 focused—and we want to hear from you. Your stories, your ideas, your struggles. Whether it’s a few words or a few hundred words, writing is one of the best outlets in times of trouble, and sharing our experiences one of the best forms of comfort.

Our plan is to publish about everything you might be experiencing right now—from tips on how to parent and work from home to fears about financial implications for families to what it’s like being a single parent in this already isolating moment to practical ideas about how to transition to homeschooling our kids and/or facilitate their online learning. We will also be continuing to feature our usual style of content on subjects such as how we’ve effectively all become stay-at-home parents amidst this chaos and how we are talking to our kids and managing their anxieties.

What we are hoping to do is foster an ongoing dialogue by creating a community of conversation about the effects this pandemic has had on your relationships, your young kids, your school-aged kids, your college kids, your aging parents, your pregnancy, your experience of new motherhood.

So if you have anything you’d like to share about your current family situation—we are open to any form: anecdote/journal entry, list, tip, recommendation, audio, video, poem, essay, reprint—please submit here or leave it as a comment below.

We will also be curating every day on our social media pages the best and most relevant family-related COVID-19 stories. So please stay connected on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. As always, we will also be mixing in inspirational quotes, memes and other feel-good pieces, as well as some evergreen Motherwell essays we think you might enjoy.

Stay tuned, be safe, and sending love from our family to yours.

XO Lauren Apfel and Randi Olin, founders and executive editors of Motherwell

Like what you are reading at Motherwell? Please consider supporting us here.

Keep up with Motherwell on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and via our newsletter.

123Comments

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1

mindbeautysimplicity on July 20, 2020 at 9:37 am
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I give props to any parent during these times. 💕
Covid taught me I can be happy with very little. Here’s my latest post 🌿⬇️
https://mindbeautysimplicity.wordpress.com/2020/07/20/you-are-not-defined-by-your-possessions/

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Redeemed on Purpose on May 18, 2020 at 4:25 pm
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This is very nice and needed

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3

alavenderplace on May 9, 2020 at 5:00 am
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Thank you for asking the “parenting in the time of coronavirus” question. Here’s some additional motivation and inspiration for single parents.
http://asingleparentstruthfamily.wordpress.com

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4

Namrata Poddar on May 8, 2020 at 3:21 pm
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Hi all, As Mother’s Day approacheth, I sharing here my short essay out at LOL Comedy. While we cope with homeboundedness at a global level, I share here what isolation may mean to new/ish mothers, “essential workers” who stay home or work remotely to raise a child in diapers—within or without a pandemic. Hope it brings offers levity to a few mothers here. In solidarity, namrata

https://littleoldladycomedy.com/2020/05/08/7-ways-to-be-a-yogic-new-mother-and-1-more-in-the-time-of-a-global-pandemic/

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5

klingre on May 6, 2020 at 8:20 pm
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Putting on my Oxygen Mask

Having a baby during a pandemic is not something we were prepared for in the least. I went into labor just two days day after the World Health Organization declared the pandemic. Though we knew things were getting bad, in the back of my head I still held out hope that close family and friends could come visit us soon. The world we re-entered when we left the hospital had already drastically changed. The announcement of a statewide quarantine sent everyone into hiding and made it impossible for anyone nearby to visit us either. Our world had been turned upside down in more ways than we could comprehend all at once.

The first few weeks were not as difficult as I thought they would be. That is not to say they were easy by any means…my hormones were a roller coaster and I struggled with postpartum anxiety. But my husband was on paternity leave and could focus on our toddler, and newborns mostly sleep and eat at the beginning. I was also fortunate to have a smooth recovery, and it was not my first rodeo, so I knew (for the most part) what I was doing. We were still in up to our necks, but I could usually sleep when I needed to sleep. I had time to check in with my therapist, to do yoga, to write.

Seven weeks later, I am alone all day with a newborn and toddler, and my husband works in a makeshift office corralled with brightly colored baby gates in the corner of one of our two bedrooms. Yesterday he worked ten hours, despite saying he didn’t plan to do overtime. It was our fourth wedding anniversary, but he had a deadline he couldn’t control. Now more than ever he feels pressured at his job. This morning, his company notified everyone that they will be making layoffs in a couple weeks, and he clocked less hours than he actually worked to make sure his performance seemed good enough.

 Our apartment is jam-packed with toys and baby products that are constantly strewn everywhere; my own little work corner is now nonexistent, despite the fact that I will somehow return remotely to part-time teaching in a few months in order to keep my health insurance as a backup, should my husband’s job go down the tubes. Our second bathroom has been turned into a storage closet. Maybe I can move a laptop stand in there and do work on the weekends, if there are no other options available by then.

 We were supposed to move back East to be closer to family this summer. My mom is retiring in a month and will have all the time in the world to help out with the kids. For now we can only video chat or talk on the phone, and we do that nearly every day. Some days I cry after we hang up; I miss her so much. I realize how much I took for granted when she was on call to help with my firstborn for a whole summer. It seems like another lifetime. Occasionally she sends me pictures of rental homes near her, with backyards and three bedrooms, all of which are cheaper than our little apartment in the Bay Area. We talk about renting a private jet so we can move cross-country with less fear of getting sick, but most days we just end laughing about it, because the idea seems so preposterously extravagant. Besides, a private jet seems too risky right now, even if we were to empty our bank accounts. But we can both dream; that’s what keeps us going.

Under the best of circumstances, having a newborn is hard. Then you add on a toddler and a pandemic. There is no way I can be everything to everyone, least of all to myself. Right now as I write this, my toddler is glued to the screen. A pile of dishes sits undone, and I haven’t started dinner. My only obvious excuse is my baby napping on top of me, but I could strap him in a carrier and keep going. I’ve already done that more times than I can count today.

But sometimes I can’t keep going. Now is one of those times, and I try to listen to myself, to shut out the noise outside of me and the guilt within me. They say to put on your own oxygen mask before you put on anyone else’s, because how can you help others when you’re suffocating? I have come to realize that putting on my oxygen mask, so to speak, does not simply mean making sure I eat, sleep, and squeeze in the occasional shower. Writing is my oxygen. If I go for a couple days without writing, I become irritable. I wake up in the middle of the night with the urge pulsing in me, the words rising to the surface gasping for air. I write to make sense of things, even when the words come out in an incoherent jumble, as they often do.

There are probably many moms who need less alone time than I do, moms who always have more of themselves to give. But now more than ever I need to write. It is the number one thing that helps me to be my truest self, and thus a better mother, wife, friend, sister, and daughter.

In times like these everyone needs more oxygen, even those of us who have been lucky enough to stay well, even those of us who aren’t going through other life-changing transitions. That oxygen might feel indulgent at times, but it does not make us selfish. Each breath I take is more precious because of those who need me. Each breath I take is sweeter because of all the love that surrounds me. Without that, what is the point of breathing anyway?

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  Motherwell on May 14, 2020 at 8:32 pm
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  Thank you so much for sharing your story.
  
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Becky Fine-Firesheets on May 1, 2020 at 12:45 pm
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Reflecting, Looking Forward, Being Here Now
By: Becky Firesheets

Parenting under quarantine is quite a catch-22: the very things keeping me sane are also threatening my sanity. In some ways, this time with my family is a gift. It was hard to leave the baby every day for work, and that rush from the office to pick-up then home for dinner, bath, and bedtime was very stressful. Those hurried evening hours were the only time I had with my kids, and this often left me feeling frustrated, angry, and tired.

Then the coronavirus happened, and I reached a new level of exhaustion I didn’t even know was possible. Being a mom nonstop is hard. And, of course, I’m not just a mom; I’m also an academic advisor, wife, and individual person, all at the same time and all from inside the same small apartment. There has been more yelling than I would like to admit.

My family has gotten better at it, though. Week one was just insane, everything coming at us all the time, changing every hour. My husband, a live audio engineer, was laid off. My in-laws, our childcare, moved back to Boston. School was canceled. My sensitive, social, structure-loving five year old was an absolute wreck. “Is there anything you’d like to know about COVID-19?” I asked him one evening. His reply: “Mommy, it would take all night.” Between his nightmares and the baby’s teething, no one was sleeping. The days blurred together into a never-ending to-do list, and I was too overwhelmed to feel anything.

Week two brought me more space for my own process and I cried a lot. I was also carrying around too much rage so tried to squeeze in self-care every day, whether it be a 20-minute run or a 2-minute meditation. Still, I couldn’t get rid of the edge.

By week three, my family had adjusted(ish) to our new routines and started to relax a little. Ironically, this is when my anxiety ran wild. The sweeping scale and long-term effects of the virus felt overbearing. The redundancy of our days made it hard to get out of bed. All the unknowns weighed heavily. I decided to give up the news and round out the week with a practice on gratitude: every time an anxious thought intruded into my brain, I replaced it with something I felt grateful for. Most often, I came back to the sweet little moments with my family.

As we moved into week four, this practice allowed me to enter a new phase of just embracing it all, which was great timing as week five brought the official announcement that school is closed for the year and many summer camps will also not open. Life in quarantine is our new reality for a long time yet.

Instead of lamenting this, I am choosing to make it work. We are so busy over here, in wonderful and in challenging ways. Some days are good, others suck. All of them are exhausting. But they’re also all full of love.

I do still wonder if I, in the middle of a global pandemic that is forever altering our society, can be everything my kids need me to be. The honest answer: probably not. But I can be enough.

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Courtney Reynolds on May 1, 2020 at 11:47 am
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This Mother’s Day, I’m Celebrating Father’s Day

It’s never taken me long to find a fairy tale moment in my Facebook feed. I see my “friends” getting swept away by perfect proposals, flowers for no reason, and surprise getaways. I see elaborate birthday celebrations and Mother’s Day pampering, all orchestrated by a significant other. I see couples who aren’t me and my husband.

My husband is the last person who will rub my shoulders, give me a compliment or grab me a drink, even if he’s already getting one. He proposed to me in our apartment kitchen while I was wearing a pullover and Nikes. He’s embarrassed if I show too much excitement if I run into him unexpectedly at the gym. He grimaces if I hold his hand because it’s icy outside.

But you want a great partner? Look no further. This man sold his construction business so our family could move across the country to follow my career path—twice—and he’s jumped into this role like a champ. He’s been there for our two young daughters in a way that makes them think they’re his whole world, and he’s managed to work in some side hustles to keep his mind sharp and our family supported.

Then when COVID-19 hit and society starting shutting down, his role changed again. Without missing a beat, he dialed back work on his side jobs and focused on his new full-time job—teaching our girls. He’s with them at least 10 hours a day so I can work outside (technically, inside) the home, and he’s mastering the 18,000 technology systems and the different needs of a kindergartener and third grader to give our family some semblance of structure and sanity in this period of confusion and chaos.

We’ve heard a lot lately from women who are shouldering the burden of at-home duties and from experts who cite backtracking as women revert into traditional roles during this period. I don’t doubt for a minute the authenticity of these stories and studies, but I also know there are definitely some heroes—along with heroines—of the COVID-19 story. And, my husband is one of them.

So on this Mother’s Day, I’m shining the light his way. I’ve seen several social media posts urging fathers to “go big” this year because moms are juggling so much. Yes, I’m juggling too, but the reason I’m able to keep any balls in the air is because of my husband’s help, so the only thing I’m asking for on May 10 is this: for my husband to show up as he does the other 364 days of year.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s not all unicorns and rainbows right now. When I confronted my husband that he was losing his temper too often with the kids, we had some tense discussions about me needing to take charge of the kids for longer stretches on the weekend. So I’ve tried to step up and give him a break more often. When I tried to negotiate when we’d have lunch together based on my business meetings, he laid down the law that lunch was at noon because that’s when the girls get hungry and when the school schedule allows it. So I show up at noon or I miss family lunch.

When I told him I wanted to write a piece about how great of a partner he’s being, he looked at me and said without a smile “I’d rather you be with the kids than take time to write about me from behind your computer.”

But I did start writing (in secret, in the dark—like any responsible adult) because I do think many husbands and fathers deserve a shout-out right now. There are so many men who do not consider themselves “babysitters.” They don’t think they deserve praise for spending an hour with their kids once a day. They are legitimate partners and help mates who—whether or not they work outside the home—are approaching their family lives as jobs with real roles and responsibilities that need to be defined and divided. And they work with their partners to get it done.

When we look back at this pandemic, no doubt we will remember some trauma and tragedy. But my hope is that we will also remember the moments of learning and levity. That we’ll eventually value the stillness of society and the forced togetherness that made us understand how fragile our current reality is and how a strong partnership is the best Mother’s Day gift of all—flowers still appreciated, of course.

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  Motherwell on May 1, 2020 at 12:13 pm
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  Thank you so much for sharing!
  
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10

Courtney Reynolds on May 1, 2020 at 11:27 am
Reply

This Mother’s Day, I’m Celebrating Father’s Day

It’s never taken me long to find a fairy tale moment in my Facebook feed. I see my “friends” getting swept away by perfect proposals, flowers for no reason, and surprise getaways. I see elaborate birthday celebrations and Mother’s Day pampering, all orchestrated by a significant other. I see couples who aren’t me and my husband.

My husband is the last person who will rub my shoulders, give me a compliment or grab me a drink, even if he’s already getting one. He proposed to me in our apartment kitchen while I was wearing a pullover and Nikes. He’s embarrassed if I show too much excitement if I run into him unexpectedly at the gym. He grimaces if I hold his hand because it’s icy outside.

But you want a great partner? Look no further. This man sold his construction business so our family could move across the country to follow my career path—twice—and he’s jumped into this role like a champ. He’s been there for our two young daughters in a way that makes them think they’re his whole world, and he’s managed to work in some side hustles to keep his mind sharp and our family supported.

Then when COVID-19 hit and society starting shutting down, his role changed again. Without missing a beat, he dialed back work on his side jobs and focused on his new full-time job—teaching our girls. He’s with them at least 10 hours a day so I can work outside (technically, inside) the home, and he’s mastering the 18,000 technology systems and the different needs of a kindergartner and third grader to give our family some semblance of structure and sanity in this period of confusion and chaos.

We’ve heard a lot lately from women who are shouldering the burden of at-home duties and from experts who cite backtracking as women revert into traditional roles during this period. I don’t doubt for a minute the authenticity of these stories and studies, but I also know there are definitely some heroes—along with heroines—of the COVID-19 story. And, my husband is one of them.

So on this Mother’s Day, I’m shining the light his way. I’ve seen several social media posts urging fathers to “go big” this year because moms are juggling so much. Yes, I’m juggling too, but the reason I’m able to keep any balls in the air is because of my husband’s help, so the only thing I’m asking for on May 10 is this: for my husband to show up as he does the other 364 days of year.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s not all unicorns and rainbows right now. When I confronted my husband that he was losing his temper too often with the kids, we had some tense discussions about me needing to take charge of the kids for longer stretches on the weekend. So I’ve tried to step up and give him a break more often. When I tried to negotiate when we’d have lunch together based on my business meetings, he laid down the law that lunch was at noon because that’s when the girls get hungry and when the school schedule allows it. So I show up at noon or I miss family lunch.

When I told him I wanted to write a piece about how great of a partner he’s being, he looked at me and said without a smile “I’d rather you be with the kids than take time to write about me from behind your computer.”

But I did start writing (in secret, in the dark—like any responsible adult) because I do think many husbands and fathers deserve a shout-out right now. There are so many men who do not consider themselves “babysitters.” They don’t think they deserve praise for spending an hour with their kids once a day. They are legitimate partners and help mates who—whether or not they work outside the home—are approaching their family lives as jobs with real roles and responsibilities that need to be defined and divided. And they work with their partners to get it done.

When we look back at this pandemic, no doubt we will remember some trauma and tragedy. But my hope is that we will also remember the moments of learning and levity. That we’ll eventually value the stillness of society and the forced togetherness that made us understand how fragile our current reality is and how a strong partnership is the best Mother’s Day gift of all—flowers still appreciated, of course.

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11

J Parzych on April 29, 2020 at 2:42 pm
Reply

Our children are looking to us to provide an example of how to react to this crisis. While they are missing important schoolwork, sporting activities, dramatic productions, and time with their friends, they are learning important life lessons like cultivating hope, helping others, the strength of community, the functions of our government, and the strength of Mother Nature.

https://growingmindsproject480025299.wordpress.com/2020/04/23/parents-as-teachers-keeping-learning-alive-during-covid-19-2/

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Maryam Ahmad on April 24, 2020 at 10:30 pm
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Pantry Management Tips: Make your Stock Last Longer in the Lockdown

With the horror of Coronavirus engulfing the entire world, stepping out of the house isn’t anything short of a peril. Most of us only leave the house when it’s absolutely necessary, to get the minimum provisions that would take us through this horrendous time.
A seemingly trivial side-effect of lockdown: unhealthy eating habits

If you handle the household budget and daily menu, you would know how quickly the pantry will drain out now that everyone is sitting idle in the house. It’s understandable. Life is slow, and when there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go. There’s one slogan that will be heard in different forms throughout the day: “What’s for dinner, MOM”, “Is the food ready, MOM?’, “MAMA, I’m hungry”.
Keep the family healthy and save the pantry

Don’t be overwhelmed by the changing eating habits and don’t let your kids or even your husband transform into a couch-potato – you’ll regret it later if you do not take action NOW. Not only do you need to harmonize the family’s growing food cravings during these unprecedented times for their own health, but also to utilize the pantry efficiently.
It wouldn’t be wise to have your provisions be used up in just a couple of days, only to be right back at the grocery store. If you haven’t heard it enough already lately, I’ll say it again – IT’S NOT SAFE OUT THERE. STAY HOME. Once you’ve managed to get your supplies safely, use it wisely so that it takes at least a couple of weeks before you have to shop again.

How to manage your pantry: useful tips

Tough times call for tough measures. If you start feeling like a nasty warden over your own kitchen, don’t beat yourself up too much. Just keep thinking that this will pass and once the pandemic subsides, which it will, the normal routine will return for everyone. For now, think smart and manage your groceries wisely and save multiple trips to the store. Here’s what you can do start with your job as the kitchen warden:

Think before you shop

Gone are the days when we used to head out for grocery shopping unprepared and would throw stuff into the cart simply out of whim. Times are different now. Not only do you need to gear yourself with a protective mask and gloves, but you also need a thorough grocery list that will survive you weeks without regrets. For your own good, plan out the grocery shopping in advance for two reasons:
You don’t want to be wasting time once you’re at a store. Just shop the bare minimum that will last a couple of weeks and head back home.
You don’t want to skip out any essentials or buy too little of something that will use up and put yourself at the risk of shopping again.

What to get?

The next major dilemma is what to get? You understand your family’s preferences the most but make sure you get a good balance between healthy and junk.

Get a good share of vegetables as well, don’t worry that there going to spoil! You’ll find ways around that too.

Ample meat, since most kids can’t live without it.

Think of all the kinds of grains that you normally use: rice, flour, pasta.

Oil

Bananas, apples, and other healthy fruits.

Breakfast essentials: eggs, oats, jam, nut butter, milk, bread, and buns.

Toilet paper, but don’t empty the racks like those maniacs you hear of these days!

Sanitizers, bleach, and masks, if you can find any and, again, leave some for others!

Cheese and baking stuff like yeast, and baking powder.

Plenty of zip locks… you’ll soon find out why.

Effective storage of perishable items

Here’s where you’ll be using all those zip locks you got. Once you’ve got your supplies, you need to find ways in which you make them last the longest.

Bread, egg, jam go in the fridge.

If you plan on using cheese for longer, it goes in the freezer. Take the pack out a while before you plan on using it. I use the technique regularly and can tell from experience that cheese tastes and feels just the same as fresh after it has been thawed.

Vegetables stay fresh the longest if stored unwashed, loosely wrapped in a plastic bag inside the refrigerator. However, in view of the pandemic that we’re all fighting against, everything needs to be thoroughly washed to get rid of any contamination. So, wash the vegetables properly, leave them to dry and then wrap them in a plastic bag or paper towel before refrigerating. Most vegetables will last for 1-2 weeks when stored in the fridge.

If you want your veggies to last longer, the best way is to blanch and freeze them. You simply need to boil either whole vegetables or chopped pieces for a minute and then instantly transfer them to cold water to halt the cooking. Now seal them into zip lock bags and store them in your freezer. Take them out as needed and enjoy fresh vegetables for months.

Devise strategic menus

It’s impossible to have everything in your pantry at all times. Choose recipes accordingly and plan menus with what you have in ample amounts. Now that we are stuck indoors and don’t have much of anything to do, a little time spent on planning the menu shouldn’t hurt. Here are a few tips:
If you are low on packaged snacks, you can make homemade ones. If you’re not too big on cooking, choose the simplest cookie recipe that won’t take more than a half-hour to get an entire cookie box ready. It will keep the family satisfied for at least a few days before you have to think of something new.

Your kids must be missing eating out. You can have fast food right at home with the simplest of ingredients and easy recipes. Just remember to add yeast (for pizza dough) and burger buns to your grocery list.

Running out of eggs? Think of alternative breakfast menus that use little or no eggs. You can prepare pancakes for at least three persons with only one egg. Oats porridge or peanut butter sandwich is just as great.

All out of bread? Either switch to pancakes or make your own homemade bread! It may sound crazy, but it’s actually really simple and your kids will love it. Freshly baked bread! What else could one want?

Weekly menus

Instead of starting afresh every day, give your pantry a good look and set up a weekly menu. Once the weekly menu is ready, put it up on the fridge and stick to it. Set out a good balance of ingredients over the week’s menu.
Make sure that your family gets a good share of all the nutrients. At the same time, also make sure that nothing gets used up too quickly. If you’ve had rice on Monday and Tuesday, give it a rest and go for pasta or burgers on Wednesday.

Healthy homemade snacks to press cravings

I know that when I have nothing to do, all I can think about is eating. And I know, many of you will relate. But since our physical activities are fairly limited in the present conditions, snacking all day can do more harm than you’d think. And if one has to eat, better be healthy and homemade than what you would get from the store. Here are some ideas:

Once you’ve stocked up your vegetables, preparing a fresh salad for a mid-day snack shouldn’t be a problem.

A beautiful mixed fruit platter makes everyone happy without bringing too many calories with it.

If your kids are missing good old potato chips, bake them instead of frying. Not only will they be healthier, but crispier and tastier too!

The good thing about cookies is that they stay fresh for days. My 3-year-old loves them; I call him the “cookie monster”. I try to make them healthier by adding chopped dates and nuts.

At the end of the day, the ultimate goal is to prolong the next grocery shopping for as long as possible. The more you stay indoors, the safer you are – that’s the motto for now!

I’d love to hear how you manage your pantry. Share your tips and tricks in the comment section to help us save some unnecessary shopping trips until the pandemic subsides.

Read more content at https://maryamswritinghub.blogspot.com/

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  Motherwell on April 25, 2020 at 2:24 am
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  Thank you for sharing this!
  
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Lolly Soulier on April 24, 2020 at 2:40 pm
Reply

I appreciate that we can connect as moms here, we need each other! Thank you all for sharing, I appreciate your thoughts and comments.

What unique and crazy times we are experiencing!

For the last seventeen years I have been practicing the soul-stretching art of being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. If I have any expertise, it would be how to be organized and productive while enjoying life at home with kids.
Now due to COVID-19 thousands of families are spending their days at home with their kids, at least for the next few weeks. Motivated by a hope of sharing methods, ideas and tools to help families thrive at home during this crisis, I wrote an article with methods to enjoy life at home with kids, created an eBook full of resources and created a website!

My heart is heavy for those who are suffering in different ways, and I’m amazed at how hearts are soft and hands are generous during this tender time.

Lolly Soulier

Thriving at Home at lollysoulier.com

With more content coming soon, join the e-mail list so you won’t miss out.
https://www.lollysoulier.com/coming-soon

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Amy Sward on April 24, 2020 at 10:19 am
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It’s OK To Sleep In The Guest Room

Like everyone, this quarantine has me spending A LOT of time with my family. Don’t get me wrong, I love them dearly, but let’s be honest, it’s a massive amount of quality time together. Not only do I have two young children – one I am trying to “homeschool,” and the other I’m just trying to keep alive.. but, then I have my husband. Again, love him dearly, but in the 12 years we’ve been together, we have NEVER spent this much time together. When we started dating, we lived an hour an a half apart. And ever since we’ve been married, he’s traveled for work. Not so much that he’s gone all the time, but enough where we start to miss each other. Needless to say, we have never been that couple who has to be together all of the time. No offense to any couple like that, do whatever works best for your relationship. It’s just that, we are not one of them.

Fast forward to current day. My husband’s travel is halted, obviously, and now he is working from home. We are now forced to be one of those couples. Don’t get me wrong, there are aspects that are wonderful. Most mornings, he gets the baby up, changes his diaper, gets him breakfast, all before bringing me coffee in bed. I could get used to this!! He loves it because he gets to spend more time with the kids. I love it because I get a break most mornings. Win, win. But, there are other more difficult aspects of our newfound togetherness. Like, for instance, the togetherness. My husband and I are different in many ways, but one way we are alike is that when we get frustrated or stressed, we just want to be alone. Well, that’s about impossible in our current situation. Our house suddenly feels so small – with no place to hide from two tiny humans and an adult human who’s mere presence is annoying you. This goes for both of us. I don’t pretend that my anxiety and neurotic behavior isn’t making him cringe and roll his eyes on a daily basis. See the thing about his travel was that it gave us a little bit of a break. Typically, the first night or two he’s gone is heaven for me. I get the kids to bed, then I eat in peace. No one talks to me or touches me. Then, I usually finish up any work I have (again, in peace!), then embark on my favorite part of the evening: Me Time. I settle in on the couch with a fabulous glass of wine and watch tv. Usually it’s something on Bravo, and guess what? I can watch it in total silence. No one asks me questions, no one is making me pause the show, no one is nagging me. I can just sit and drink my wine, watch my show, and decompress. It’s fantastic.

Needless to say that’s not happening now. I love watching shows with my husband – we’ve discovered some good ones that we both like. But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t long for those random nights where I could just watch alone. Then, one night I had a particularly bad night’s sleep. Our 5-year-old climbed in bed with us and she is like an octopus when she sleeps. Limbs everywhere and constantly moving. Add that to my husband’s snoring (thank you TN allergies), and I couldn’t sleep. So, I went up to the guest room to get some sleep. And, slept I did. In the morning, I felt shockingly refreshed. Mainly due to my sudden realization that I need to start treating the guest room as a hotel. Have you ever wanted to go to a hotel for a night and do nothing but veg out? Take a bath, order room service, sit in bed and read a book, watch tv and maybe have a glass of wine. Sleep with no one touching you or no fear of kids coming into bed? (Maybe it’s just me?!) Well, I started treating the guest room like that. It has an on-suite bathroom, so I started drawing a bubble bath, lighting a candle, and reading a book. Then, I would sit in bed and eat, drink wine, and watch TV. Then I would sleep by myself and my daughter didn’t even know I was in there. So, if she got up in the middle of the night, she would go sleep with my husband; she wouldn’t even find me. I have to tell you this is saving my sanity during quarantine. So much so that my husband is going to start doing it. He deserves – and needs – a break too.

Before all of this, I always associated “sleeping in the guest room” with negativity. A place you go to cool off after an argument – either for five minutes or the entire night. But, it’s funny how new circumstances can change your perspective. I now view that room as an oasis. An escape. A chance to reset. Trust me; try it.

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  Motherwell on April 24, 2020 at 11:37 am
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  Thank you so much for sharing, Amy!
  
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